She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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