Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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