i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
