I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
