walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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