Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
time to smoke my breakfast
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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