WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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