If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
