I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
