Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
