What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
