tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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