it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
