So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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