Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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