I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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