the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
