there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
