I love black thongs
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
