yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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