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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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