Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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