i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
