Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
