Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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