Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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