Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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