News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
