No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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