I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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