Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
