I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
