thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
