no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
