I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
