Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
