i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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