Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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