Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
