I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
