i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
