Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
