census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
