D3 body, D1 cock
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
