the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
