Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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