Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found your dick twin last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize