Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
