It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
