My underwear smells like fireworks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
