Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
