My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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