He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
