cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
