he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love having hate sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
