I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
