I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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