I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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