I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
