I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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