worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
