windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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