That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
