david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
