I love black thongs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
