I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
