I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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