9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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