Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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