i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
