Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
