I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
