how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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