WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My liver just had a heart attack.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
