You can't motorboat a personality
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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